The Tides are Changing

I've been wanting to write this post for about a week... but each time I bring myself to do it, I just can't. When I have those kinds of feelings... I know that it's time to turn to myself to see what the heck is going on with me.

So here's what's going on. I've been feeling really weird lately... almost detached from this whole situation with Dh. When I think of the situation... I find that my feelings have changed. I am no longer devastated and sad... these feelings have been replaced by frustration and anger. I don't wait around all day for him to call, and then cry if he doesn't do so. Actually, I haven't even had a strong desire to see Dh. It is easier for me not to see him because when I do, it's a constant reminder that he has rejected me.

I can feel my attitude about this whole thing changing... and it's scary. I am feeling guilty for not being sad anymore. I also feel guilty for even slightly recognizing that I could be OK if our marriage ends up in divorce.

I was afraid to write this post because I didn't want anyone to judge me, or think that I was giving up. But, perhaps writing this was a concrete acknowledgment to myself that I have started to give up in some ways. I don't want to, but I just can't live this way forever.