I love my best friend. She is absolutely, positively fantastic. I always say that she is my soul-mate of a friend because I think that we are just meant to be friends in this life. We have so much in common... we are both vegetarians (I swear we have the same taste buds), we love the same music, same hobbies, and even the same clothes. I once came home to visit when Dh and I lived away, and she and I were wearing the same coat, boots, and sweater when we met for dinner. You probably get it by now... she not just a great friend, she is my sister from another mother.
So, as things became worse with Dh, I knew that I had a friend that I could count on. I cannot say that she has disappointed me in this respect, but I do feel that she could be there for me a little more. Dh went to stay at his mom's over three weeks ago, and I haven't even seen her. We live in the same town...10 minutes apart. She has been there on the phone when I call her, but I just find it strange that she rarely calls and hasn't really made an effort to spend any time with me. I know that she is a busy gal, but damn, my husband just left.
I can only hypothesize on this, but from what I gather when I talk to my BF, she seems to be angry with Dh. She loves me, and she is angry with him for hurting me. BF is a very intelligent person, and I have talked with her about PTSD, the symptoms, and how Dh's symptoms fit perfectly with his diagnosis. It seems that BF thinks that this PTSD thing is a load of crap. Her advice often sounds like, "Well, you are his WIFE, and you just need to tell him that he needs to come home." I explain that the situation and symptoms of PTSD prevent me from having that sort of control... and she just seems to think that I'm taking crap that I shouldn't be.
I know that I am carrying our marriage right now, and no.. it's not right, it's not fair, and it certainly sucks. I have never been one to let myself be thrown under the bus. However, in this situation, I feel that my choices are either that I do carry our marriage while Dh and I both get counseling to better the situation, or I give up. And the latter certainly isn't my style...
I am a strong woman, as is BF. I think that perhaps she thinks that I am being weak in this particular situation, but in reality, this is taking more strength than I ever knew that I had in me.
I really love and need my best friend right now more than ever... any ideas on how to remedy this one?
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3 comments:
Hi! I found your blog through Spousebuzz.
I think maybe your friend feels the anger that you don't allow yourself to feel. It sounds like she doesn't entirely understand the situation and she might be hesitant to say anything, and keeping her distance, because she knows she doesn't see it the same way you do. Maybe you can call her and suggest going to a movie or something. As difficult as it might be, try keeping the conversation away from your marriage during that time. It might help clear the air between you.
Along AnnM's line - - I think your BF is really angry and it hurts her deeply to see you hurting. She'd probably like to go over to DH's mom's house and drag him back to your house by his ear.
When I was going through some really bad stuff with my X husband (abuse, unfaithfulness) my BF wanted so badly to tell me to leave him - - but she knew I had to make my own decisions about things. She wanted to tell me this the day of our wedding. However she knew that if she told me to do something and I did it and was miserable, I'd be blaming her. So she just listened and let me finally figure things out.
I think going to a movie and not bringing DH up would be a good idea - - an all girlie night.
Hey, I also found you via SpouseBuzz. I would like to share some stuff with you re: this post, but I'd prefer to do it via email. Would you mind emailing me so I can write you back?
tryingtogrok --at-- hotmail --dot-- com
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