Control is an important factor in the world of PTSD. In much of the research I've done, it is apparent that the person suffering from PTSD often feels out of control. This makes sense to me... as I can only imagine how out of control I would feel if I was experiencing intrusive thoughts, emotional numbing, memory loss, a need to be on guard...etc. In turn, a positive and freeing approach to dealing with someone with PTSD is to give them as much control over their own life as possible. I have found it very helpful to communicate with Dh in such a way that he has options and control in the situation. In fact, things really seemed to turn around for us when I began intentionally communicating with him in this way.
While this has been very helpful for Dh, it can often be difficult for me. I feel as of this is our marriage, and I too need to have at least some control... and right now, I feel as if I have none. Everything... our future together... is lying in Dh's hands... which are now swimming through the ocean with some ass of a friend in Florida.
In the research, it stresses that the spouse should redirect control to the self. I should also reduce my dependency on Dh. For example, I take control of my own counseling treatment plan, and let Dh handle his own. I should not rely on Dh to make me happy... I should make myself happy. Although it makes sense for Dh's PTSD treatment, how realistic is this for a marriage? Dh and I chose to live our lives together, and I feel that when two people do that, they do become dependent on one another to an extent. Sure, people could have separate finances, jobs, friends...etc. But when you are married to someone, how are you not emotionally dependent on them in any way?
It is really tough to completely let go of all control of the situation when Dh is procrastinating about making a counseling appointment, and that appointment lends to my future too. I mean... how much can I really let go? How selfless do I need to be? Apparently, very selfless... and believe me, I am willing to be selfless to save our marriage because it's worth that.
It's just not "fair and balanced."
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2 comments:
I read this post like three times, trying to come up with something insightful to say. But I got nothin'. So I'll just let you know that I am thinking of you.
All I can say is you must be very frustrated. I second sarah.
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