At the mall... going for a walk... on TV... mini-golfing (as I drive by)... happy people are everywhere! And yes, I am happy for them... but I'm simultaneously jealous! I would love to go for a romantic stroll with Dh (lots of kisses included)! But, at this point in our lives, it's just not going to happen... It's been almost 7 months since I've got to do that (because of Dh's training piggybacked by the PTSD). Although we've gone this long before without a physical relationship due to deployments and such... we were still "happy"... we still had a romantic relationship. I miss all of that.
Perhaps I am just being hypersensitive, but it seems that there is love in the air everywhere I go! ...Yet I remain in this anti-love bubble! I can't get through Wal*Mart without driving my cart around couples holding hands, hugging... it is as if it's some cruel gauntlet!
If your happy... good for you... I can't wait to become part of your club again. Maybe I could at least have a guest pass for now? ; )
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5 comments:
I think this happens a lot. Or at least, it does to me. Usually when DH is deployed or TAD or whatever. Then anyplace I go, there's all these lovey, happy couples that I just want to punch in the face.
Maybe it's only really noticeable when you aren't one of those people? Because then you're oblivious to everyone else? No idea. But you are not the only one this happens to!
Oh lordy, I get this. For me, it's pregnant people. Can't go anywhere without seeing 'em. A few days after I lost the baby, my mom and I went to a restaurant, and TWO waitresses were mega-pregant. We went home and turned on the Weather Channel, and the weather reporter was pregnant. When in the holy heck have you ever in your life seen a pregnant weather reporter?!?! The last time I had a miscarriage, the doctor who performed my D&C was even pregnant! Sheesh, cut me some slack! :)
I understand about looking everywhere and being reminded of what you don't have...
Ann M. -It very well could be that I don't notice when I am one of those people!
Sarah - I too have never EVER seen a pregnant weather reporter! And pregnant people just shouldn't be allowed to perform D&Cs on other women who want to be pregnant... that's just taking it too far!
I can feel the pain of everyone, Ann and Sarah, and you. When I left my abusive X-husband, he jeered after me, "You are unlovable, no one will ever love you. You will die lonely." As every relationship I've had fails - - I hear his voice and I wonder if its true. Last year was especially hard as the last of my single friends got married. I never in a million years thought I'd be single at this stage in my life.
Not being married also means the realization that I may never be a mother. I'm still young enough, however, as every year goes by the realization hits me that I won't. I could adopt and that is an option, but I won't do it as a single mom.
The running joke with my friends is that every man I meet who is single in his 30s (my age) is divorced, has kids, and has had a vasectomy - - I'm batting 1.000 there. And they don't want to adopt - - they just want a female companion. I'm not ready to settle for that. Yet I have a couple friends who married divorced men with children and they wanted to have more and could. Believe me, I'm often asking God what the heck he's doing to me.
And I agree with you a pregnant doctor shouldn't perform a D&C on someone who has just lost a baby.
I often wonder why life presents good people with so many obstacles... I will be praying that you meet the right man soon Rangersgirl... minus the vasectomy : )
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