5¢ Confession: Pity Party

I hate to be pitied. I hate when people feel bad for me, I hate when I feel bad for myself. This is probably why I don't like when my mom finds out I've been crying! It is also why this blog is such a release for me. I rarely go around talking about my own problems to friends... I would rather let my best friend tell me how her life is a disaster because she is having difficulty installing her microwave...when my husband just told me that he doesn't love me.

When I went to graduate school, we were often forced to share our feelings in a group. I know, forced is a strong word, but when your grade is depending on it, it really is being forced! Anyhow, DH was away at the time, and when it came my turn, I talked about missing him and the difficulty that distance can put on a relationship. I also shared how I hate to be pitied. Many responded saying that they felt bad for saying things like, "I feel so bad for you...etc." In turn, I felt bad! I didn't mean to shoot down the support that they may have offered.

What I wished I had said is that there is a DIFFERENCE between being supportive and pitying a person. Most of us can appreciate a friend who can just lend an ear... and this feels very different from when someone says, "How are youuuu doooingggg? (As they rub your arm and give you a sad face) I don't know how you do it, I never could. I just feel soooo bad for you. Hang in there." I can't count how many times I've been to that pity party while my husband was way! This is not to say that there isn't a fine line between the two, because often there is. For civilians, this line can be blurry. I think that they often do their best but sometimes just don't know what to say.

In my current situation, I find myself avoiding people that don't already know about DH, his moving out, and PTSD. I suppose that it's going to be a long and hard road, and I should probably find a better way to cope with that, but for now, it's just so much easier than being pitied!